- The original Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
- An early variant: Whatever can go wrong will go wrong,
at the worst possible time.
- An early corollary: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Everything takes longer than you think.
- Whatever can go wrong will.
- If several things can go wrong, expect the one that will cause
the most damage.
- If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, that is
when it will happen.
- If something can't go wrong, it will anyway.
- Given only four ways that a procedure can possibly go wrong,
and a successful circumvention of all of them, a fifth will
materialize.
- Left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
- If everything is going well, something important has been overlooked.
- Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
- The quest to make things foolproof is doomed to failure; fools
are ingenious.
- Every solution creates new problems
- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be
done first.
- Enough research will support any theory.
- The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its
value.
- Given a long road upon which a one-way bridge and two cars are
placed at random, the two cars will travel in opposite directions
and meet at the bridge.
- Things get worse under pressure.
- Necessity is the mother of strange bed-fellows.
- Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be; all other busses are out
of service or full.
- The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
- Everything goes wrong all at once.
- If you need six buttons, you will find five in your button box.
- After things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats itself.
- Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
- You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the
bread to butter.
- Paper is always strongest at its perforations.
- The odds that a slice of bread will fall on the floor with the buttered side
down is directly proportional to your hunger level.
- Murphy was an optimist.
- The lane you are not in moves fastest.
- If there isn't a law, there will be.
- That history repeats itself is the main thing wrong with
history.
- Team members most able to help the team quit the team or are
reassigned.
- The bus that was leaving as you arrived at the bus stop was
your bus.
- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion
with confidence.
- Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone will
discover something that abolishes the system or expands it beyond
recognition.
- Your first night shift in the Emergency Room occurs on a night
with a full moon.
- Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not
understand.
- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
the first woodpecker that came along would destroy
civilization.
- Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Needlessly disturbing a thing at rest is folly of the highest
magnitude.
- Nature lies.
- Dust breeds.
- Enough isn't.
- First determine if you are between a dog and its lamppost.
- Anyone who puts up with a lot of crap will receive more crap.
- The opulence of an office's decor varies inversely with
the fundamental competency of the person occupying the office.
- An expert progressively learns more and more about less and less,
and eventually knows everything about nothing.
- The claim that the universe contains 300 billion stars is
believable; assertions that a bench has wet paint
on it must be tested.
- All great discoveries are made by mistake.
- If it's stupid and it works it isn't stupid.
- A student who improves worked harder; a student whose
performance declines has a poor teacher.
- First draw the curve, then plot the reading.
- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
- Don't worry about the bullet with your name on it; worry about
the bullet addressed "To Whom it May Concern."
- Genius cannot overcome preoccupation with detail.
- Good students move away.
- There is always an easier way.
- Never tell your shift captain you have nothing to do.
- Throwing something away guarantees its immediate usefulness.
- Clearing all rooms without meeting any resistance means you
kicked in the door of the wrong house.
- The first myth of management is that it exists.
- A failure cannot appear before the unit has passed its final
inspection.
- We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
- Shift commanders, not God, establish shift priorities; there is
a difference.
- There is no free lunch.
- There ain't no such thing as a free lunch (a.k.a. "tanstaafl")
- A teacher who is late for class and does not meet the principal
in the hall is late for a faculty meeting.
- Complex questions have simple, easy to comprehend wrong
answers.
- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- The faster a computer performs, the faster it will crash.
- Next time you punch out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting on
you, smile and look straight at the camera.
- To the powerful wisdom is a sign of weakness; a wise person can lead without power, but only
the powerful can lead without
wisdom.
- Thimk.
- Eschew obfuscation.
- Technology doesn't transfer.
- Never reveal to a mechanical object that you are in a hurry.
- A person who tortures animals and wets the bed is either a
serial killer or works for internal affairs.
- Everything is cold except what should be.
- Unanimity is proof of cowardice and uncritical thought.
- New students come from schools that teach nothing.
- Hot glass looks exactly like cold glass.
- Zeraralwazmanimororsezassezanzerareorses.
- The breaking of eggs is no guarantee that an
omelet worth eating will be created.
- You get the most of what you need the least.
- Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
- Every group has its fool; if you are in a group, and are unable
to identify its fool, you are it.
- Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
- The fact that monkeys have hands should give us pause.
- Universities cannot give students brains, but they can give
them diplomas.
- Tolerances accumulate.
- Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
- If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in and start
reciting impeccable Shakespeare, but to that audience you will just
be the thirteenth clown.
- If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes bad, you
have to clean your plate.
- The problem student is the child of a school board member.
- You get faster service when the restaurant is full than when it
is half empty.
- Managers manage by the book, even when they
don't know who wrote the book or even which book.
- The function of a design engineer is to make things difficult
for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
- The real expert predicts the job will take the longest and cost
the most.
- For every action there is a side effect.
- If a thing cannot be fitted into another thing smaller than
itself, someone will do it.
- Coasting is the definition of going down hill.
- Negative slack increases.
- You travel fastest when traveling alone, but when you arrive
you've nobody to share it with.
- Never reveal what you wouldn't do.
- Anything cut to length will be too short.
- Anything that happens enough times to irritate will happen
at least once more.
- Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance.
- It is impossible to determine how deep a puddle is without
stepping into it.
- Everything depends.
- The effort required to effect a course correction increases
geometrically with time.
- Perfect stability is only achieved when all your time is spent
doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
- Matt Syptak's Law: If a fuse is installed to protect a circuit, the circuit will
blow to protect the fuse.
- All complex circuit designs contain one obsolete part, two
unobtainable parts, and three parts still under development.
- All complex systems that work evolved from simple systems that
work.
- Any system dependent on human reliability is unreliable.
- Under rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables an organism will
behave as it pleases.
- Nothing ever just goes away.
- Good intentions combined with stupidity are impossible to
outthink.
- An object in motion is going in the wrong direction.
- An object at rest is in the wrong place.
- A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
- Assigning N persons to write a compiler produces an N-1 pass
compiler.
- All complicated systems or programs will, if examined from the
right angle, become more complicated.
- If you don't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
- In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
- The sweetness of the buyer's secretary varies directly with the
odds that the competition already has the order.
- The only perfect science is hindsight.
- The real world is a special case.
- A proliferation of laws always begets a proliferation of
loop-holes.
- If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
- Whatever goes up must come down.
- Dropped instruments roll to a least accessible corner.
- Simple theories must be described using complex vocabularies.
- If you build a system that even a fool can operate, only a fool
will want to use it.
- The degree of a project's technical competence is inversely
proportional to the involvement of upper management.
- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
- No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
- Not all cookies reside in jars.
- All machines are amplifiers.
- The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is a gung-ho officer
with a map and half a brain.
- The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has
already mined it.
- The buddy system gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
- People do not change; they become more so.
- The further you advance beyond your own positions, the greater
the odds your artillery will fall short.
- Incoming fire always has the right of way.
- If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
- The quartermaster has two sizes: too large and too small.
- The crucial memorandum will be snagged by the paper clip on the
overlying correspondence.
- If you need a supervisor in a hurry, doze off.
- Suppressive fire is most accurate when used on abandoned positions.
- As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
- Any non-trivial computer program contains at least one bug.
- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always
one more bug.
- Work flows to the competent member of the team until that
member submerges.
- Nobody who wants the presidency enough to spend two years
organizing and campaigning for it can be trusted.
- The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is
incoming friendly fire.
- Don't be conspicuous; inside the combat zone, it draws enemy
fire; outside the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
- If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
- All the good ones are taken.
- Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
- If he or she isn't taken, there's a reason.
- Deficiencies never surface during dry runs.
- A distinguished, elderly scientist who states something is possible is
usually right; a distinguished, elderly scientist who states something is impossible
is usually wrong.
- Brains x Beauty x Availability = 0.
- It is always darkest just before the lights go out.
- Everything that appears too good to be true is.
- People often stumble over the truth, but most of the
time they pick themselves up and continue on as though nothing
happened.
- Adding manpower to a late project makes it later.
- Clearly stated instructions consistently produce multiple
interpretations.
- No matter which way you ride a bicycle, it's uphill against
the wind.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- If the research lavished on the female bosom was
diverted to space exploration, hot-dog
stands would prosper on the moon.
- Information travels most efficiently to those with the least
need to know.
- All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part
of every organism to live beyond its income.
- If everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an
oncoming train.
- It is impossible to produce a baby in one month by
impregnating nine women.
- Everything over the hill picks up speed.
- Anything is possible; nothing is easy.
- The vehicle in front travels slower.
- History proves nothing.
- The location of a drip bears no relation to the location of a
roof leak.
- It is harder to find a job than keep one.
- A little humility is arrogance.
- Stones in boots migrate to the point of greatest pressure
- The weight of a backpack increases in direct proportion to the
amount of food consumed from it; running out of food speeds the rate
at which the pack's weight goes up.
- Anyone can do any amount of work if it isn't the work they are supposed to be doing.
- The number of stones in a boot is directly proportional to
the number of hours on the trail.
- A statement may be true independently of the illogical
reasoning that created it.
- The difficulty of finding a trail marker is directly
proportional to the consequences of failing to find it.
- Expenditures and revenues always seek the same level.
- Guarding against the arbitrary is futile.
- A lost object being sought is always found in
the last place examined.
- The remaining distance to a campsite remains constant
as twilight approaches
- The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any
loop trail always comes out positive.
- What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is
good economics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad
economics is good politics
- If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it
and you will break it.
- Death is nature's way of telling you to plan ahead.
|
|
- The original Antithesis: If anything can go
well, it will.
- An early variant: Whatever can go
well will go well,
at the best possible time.
- An early corollary: Nothing is as
hard as it looks.
- Everything takes less time than you think.
- Whatever can go well will.
- If several things can go well, expect the
one that will produce
the most good.
- If there is a optimum time for something to go
well, that is precisely
when it will happen.
- If something can't go well, it will
anyway.
- Given only four ways that a procedure can
possibly go well, and a totally disastrous circumvention of all of them, a fifth will
materialize.
- Left to themselves, things always go from
good to better.
- If everything is going badly, something important has been overlooked.
- Nature thrives on the undiscovered
attribute.
- The chance something is flawed is lower
than you think; even fools often get it right.
- Every problem leads to new inventions.
- Occam's Razor: Most things on to-do lists
are unneeded over-complications.
- Enough research will uncover any fraud.
- The legibility of a copy is proportional to its
value.
- Given a long road upon which a one-way
bridge and few cars, traveling random courses, the chance that two
cars traveling in opposite directions will meet at the bridge is
remote.
- Things get better when stress is
relieved.
- Poverty of choice produces a prosperity
of disparate problem-solvers.
- Any bus that can be the right bus might
be; all your busses are in service, empty, and on time.
- When it's time to quit, just quit; it's
ok to call it a day.
- Everything gets better all at once.
- If you need six buttons, and you will find five in your button box,
it's ok to change button styles.
- After things go from good to even better, the cycle repeats itself.
- Matter accrues worth in direct proportion to its value
- Nature's perversity is also the source of
its most wondrous beauty.
- Paper is always strongest at its perforations.
- Wash the floor, and watch your step, then
don't worry which side the bread lands on when you drop it.
- Murphy's antitheses are pessimistic.
- Pick the best lane, and stick with it.
- If there isn't a law, lobby to keep it
that way.
- That history repeats itself is the main thing
good about history.
- Team members most able to help the team
gravitate to the team or are assigned to it.
- The bus that is arriving as you arrive at the bus stop
is
your bus.
- Informed logic is a systematic method of
coming to the correct conclusion, confidently.
- Whenever you define a system completely,
enjoy it as long and as well as you can; evolution demands either its
abolition or expansion beyond present
recognition.
- Your first night shift in the Emergency Room occurs on a night
with a full moon.
- Dominate technology by managing
everything about it that you
understand.
- Write programs the way builders
build buildings,
so the first team of critical analysts that comes along won't tear
your program to shreds.
- Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Leaving a thing at rest alone is wisdom of the highest
magnitude.
- Nature speaks eloquent truths.
- Dustpans & brooms abound.
- Enough is.
- Understanding what your adversary needs
most urgently solves the majority of your problems.
- Anyone who solves lots of problems will
be given lots of problems to solve.
- The poverty of an office's decor varies inversely with
the fundamental competency of the person occupying the office.
- A true expert learns more and more about
essential issues, and eventually knows enough to get the job done.
- Take as given the claims that cannot be
proven or disproved, but thoroughly test every claim that is amenable
to critical examination.
- All great discoveries are
serendipitous.
- If it's stupid and it works it isn't stupid.
- A student who improves has a good
teacher; a student whose performance declines isn't trying.
- Plotted readings make readable curves.
- Anything can be built on schedule, and on budget.
- Those clothed in effective, well-tested
armor, don't worry about bullets or the names that are written on
them.
- Genius and copious
attention to the big picture always overcome.
- Another's loss is your gain.
- There is always an easier way.
- If you do your job, on time, your shift
captain will not mete out extra projects to you.
- Putting stuff that's in the way up in the
attic helps show which stuff isn't really in the way.
- Clearing all rooms without meeting any resistance means you
kicked in the door of the wrong house.
- The first truth of management is that it
isn't.
- Once a unit has passed its final
inspection, its failure will appear.
- We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
- Shift commanders, not God, establish shift priorities; there is
a difference.
- Buy your own lunch.
- You can always buy your own lunch (a.k.a.
"ycabyol")
- A teacher who is early for class and does
not meet the principal in the hall will also be early for the faculty meeting.
- Simple questions don't need complex, hard to comprehend wrong
answers.
- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- The faster a computer performs, the faster it will crash.
- Next time you think of punching out a
handcuffed prisoner for spitting on you, smile, think about the camera,
and keep your cool.
- To the weak wisdom gives strength; a wise person can lead without
the need to exercise power.
- Think.
- K.I.S.S.
- Technology transfers.
- Know the limits of the mechanical objects
you work with, and endeavor not to exceed them.
- A person who tortures animals and wets the bed is either a
serial killer or works for internal affairs.
- Everything is cold except what should be.
- Genius often stands alone.
- New students bring new methods of
teaching and learning.
- Hot glass looks exactly like cold glass.
- Zeraralwazmanimordoggibagzanzeraredoggiez.
- The breaking of eggs always carries a hope that an
omelet worth eating may be created.
- You get the most good from what you have the
least of.
- Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
- Every group has its genius; if you are in
a group, and can't identify its genius, you are it.
- Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
- The fact that monkeys have hands should give us pause.
- Universities cannot give students brains, but they can give
them diplomas.
- Tolerances cancel.
- Life is nature's way of telling you to
invent something.
- If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in and start
reciting impeccable Shakespeare, but to that audience you will just
be the thirteenth clown.
- If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes bad, you
have to clean your plate.
- The problem student is the child of a school board member.
- You get faster service when the restaurant is full than when it
is half empty.
- Managers manage by the book, even when they
don't know who wrote the book or even which book.
- The function of a design engineer is to make things difficult
for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
- The real expert predicts the job will take the longest and cost
the most.
- For every action there is a side effect.
- If a thing cannot be fitted into
another thing smaller than itself, someone will do it.
- Coasting means letting gravity
work for you.
- Negative slack increases.
- You travel slowest when traveling in a
crowd, but when you arrive
you've got lots of friends to share it with.
- Never do what you wouldn't reveal.
- Anything cut to length will be too short.
- Anything that happens enough times to irritate will happen
at least once more.
- Constant vigilance is the price of
eternal freedom.
- It is possible to determine how deep a
puddle is by
stepping into it with one foot.
- Everything depends.
- The effort required to effect a course correction increases
geometrically with time.
- Perfect stability is only achieved when all your time is spent
doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
- Matt Syptak's Law: If a fuse is installed to protect a circuit, the circuit will
blow to protect the fuse.
- All complex circuit designs contain one obsolete part, two
unobtainable parts, and three parts still under development.
- All complex systems that work evolved from simple systems that
work.
- Any system independent of human reliability is
reliable.
- Under rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables an organism will
behave as it pleases.
- Nothing ever just goes away.
- Bad intentions combined with stupidity are
always found out.
- An object in motion is going in the wrong direction.
- An object at rest is in the wrong place.
- A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
- Assigning N persons to write a compiler produces an N-1 pass
compiler.
- All complicated systems or programs will, if examined from the
right angle, become simple.
- If you don't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
- In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
- The sweetness of the buyer's secretary varies directly with the
odds that the competition already has the order.
- Hindsight is foresight without a future.
- The real world is a special case.
- A new law begs the creation of a new
loop-hole.
- Just because an experiment fails doesn't
mean everything has gone wrong.
- Whatever goes up must come down.
- Dropped instruments roll to a least accessible corner.
- The more complex the vocabulary the
simpler the theory.
- If you build a system that even a fool can operate, only a fool
will want to use it.
- The degree of a project's technical competence is inversely
proportional to the involvement of upper management.
- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
- No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
- Not all cookies reside in jars.
- All machines are amplifiers.
- The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is a gung-ho officer
with a map and half a brain.
- The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has
already mined it.
- The buddy system gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
- People do not change; they become more so.
- The further you advance beyond your own positions, the greater
the odds your artillery will fall short.
- Incoming fire always has the right of way.
- If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
- The quartermaster has two sizes: too large and too small.
- The crucial memorandum will be snagged by the paper clip on the
overlying correspondence.
- If you need a supervisor in a hurry, doze off.
- Suppressive fire is most accurate when used on abandoned positions.
- As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
- Any non-trivial computer program contains at least one bug.
- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always
one more bug.
- Work flows to the competent member of the team until that
member submerges.
- Nobody who wants the presidency enough to spend two years
organizing and campaigning for it can be trusted.
- The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is
incoming friendly fire.
- Don't be conspicuous; inside the combat zone, it draws enemy
fire; outside the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
- If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
- All the good ones are taken.
- Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
- If he or she isn't taken, there's a reason.
- Deficiencies never surface during dry runs.
- A distinguished, elderly scientist who states something is possible is
usually right; a distinguished, elderly scientist who states something is impossible
is usually wrong.
- Brains x Beauty x Availability = 0.
- It is always darkest just before the lights go out.
- Everything that appears too good to be true is.
- When you stumble, don't focus on picking
yourself up and getting on as though nothing happened; focus on your
surroundings, for you may have stumbled upon a truth.
- Adding manpower to a late project makes it later.
- Clearly stated instructions consistently produce multiple
interpretations.
- No matter which way you ride a bicycle, it's uphill against
the wind.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- If the research lavished on the female bosom was
diverted to space exploration, hot-dog
stands would prosper on the moon.
- Information travels most efficiently to those with the least
need to know.
- All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part
of every organism to live beyond its income.
- If nothing is coming your way, you are
probably in the right lane.
- The light at the end of the tunnel may
actually be the end of the tunnel.
- Never believe you can't nurture more than
one seminal thought at once; perseveration can birth more than one
seminal solution in the time that only one such solution ordinarily is
arrived at; the human mind is a wondrous thing.
- Everything over the hill picks up speed.
- Anything can be easy; nothing is
impossible.
- The slow vehicle in front gives the fast
car behind you somebody else to focus his anger on.
- History proves everything, including the
fact that history proves nothing.
- The location of a drip bears no relation to the location of a
roof leak.
- It is easier to keep a job than find one.
- A little arrogance is an oxymoron.
- Stones in boots migrate to the point of greatest pressure
- The weight of a backpack increases in direct proportion to the
amount of food consumed from it; running out of food speeds the rate
at which the pack's weight goes up.
- Anyone can do any amount of work if it isn't the work they are supposed to be doing.
- The number of stones in a boot is directly proportional to
the number of hours on the trail.
- A statement may be false independently of the
logical
reasoning that created it.
- The difficulty of finding a trail marker is directly
proportional to the consequences of failing to find it.
- Expenditures and revenues always seek the same level.
- Guarding against the arbitrary is futile.
- A lost object being sought is always found in
the last place examined.
- The remaining distance to a campsite remains constant
as twilight approaches
- The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any
loop trail always comes out positive.
- What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is
good economics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad
economics is good politics
- If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it
and you will break it.
- Life is nature's way of telling you to
plan ahead.
|